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Chapter 8

Decisions that have to be made

The next morning, Mo Xueyao was discharged from the hospital. Because there is no serious injury, even the bruise does not need bandages, and it will heal on its own in a few days. Continuing to be hospitalized is just a waste of money. For an ordinary or even a little poor family, saving a little is saving a little bit.
It wasn’t his mother or Yu Liang who picked him up, but his own father. His father rode a blue bicycle with a bar in the front, and drove him to the house wobblingly. It was business as usual, as if nothing had happened.
“Well, the cake tastes pretty good, Xiaoyao, do you want to eat it?”
“I’m not hungry.” Mo Xueyao in the back seat shook his head, “Dad, why are you picking me up today, aren’t you at work? Isn’t it right… Today seems to be Monday.”
“Uh, I’m just asking for leave today.” Father pretended to look around casually, as if to hide something, “Anyway, don’t worry.”
“Is it really just a leave of absence?” Mo Xueyao grabbed the armrest of the back seat and sighed.
“Well, it’s really just asking for leave. After all, your mother is a nanny, so it’s not easy to ask for leave, right?”
Father waited for a long time, but Mo Xueyao didn’t answer, he couldn’t help but turn his head and glance. He found that he was frowning slightly, staring blankly at the cars passing by on the street.
“Dad, if only we had a car at home.”
“Ha, isn’t this a car?” Father laughed and patted the handlebar hard, “Two-wheeled car!”
“I’m talking about cars… Hey, dad, ride the bike and look in front, don’t look back, okay!”
“It’s alright, your father’s driving skills are absolutely fine.” The father who said so deliberately shook the bicycle. This frightened that Mo Xueyao, so he grabbed his father’s shoulder.
“Wow, you kid… it hurts too much!”
“Why are you messing up! You are a big man!” Mo Xueyao shouted, attracting the attention of many passers-by, and his voice became quieter, “You can’t ride a bike well.”
“Okay, do you want to eat cake?”
“The cake shop is already far, so don’t ask, okay.” Mo Xueyao said with drooping eyelids.
The nonsense just now seemed to lighten his tangled and heavy heart a little bit. The bicycle moved into the familiar street and stopped downstairs. As soon as Mo Xueyao got out of the car, he was suddenly grabbed by his father on his shoulder.
“Why? Do you want me to carry you upstairs?” Mo Xueyao asked, squinting at his father.
The reason why I ask this question is because my father really can make such a child’s game-like request. Although most of the time, he was so tired that he almost fell down after only going up a few steps.
“Hey, I haven’t hugged Xiaoyao for a long time, let’s give it a hug today—let’s go!” Father hugged Mo Xueyao, and rushed upstairs in a single stride. Panting up the stairs.
“Hey, what are you doing, I am not a girl, why are you hugging!” Mo Xueyao shouted in dissatisfaction.
Immediately, the atmosphere fell silent again. Father touched his nose embarrassedly and put her down: “Uh, okay, let’s go by yourself.”
“…” Mo Xueyao lowered his head, took a deep breath, and followed silently. The laughter just now seemed not to have been made by the two of them. The moment the door opened, the dull atmosphere seemed to dissipate at once.
“Well, it’s porridge. Your mother must be cooking porridge again. How about getting you a chopped green onion today?” Father asked with a smile.
“Um…all right.”
Mo Xueyao didn’t have the strength, so he returned to his room lazily, kicked off his slippers, and lay down on the bed. It was obviously hot, but it made his heart feel a little cold. He sat up and lay down in front of the window, looking down at the sparse trees below and the weeds overgrown in the flower beds.
He had a lot in his mind, but he didn’t seem to think about anything. The clouds in the sky slowly change shape with the wind, one big one floats away, and several smaller ones float over. The bright sun hanging high in the sky made it clear that it must be another hot day.
However, Mo Xueyao suddenly found a dark cloud floating in the distance, which dyed all the white clouds in the sky black. The sunny and hot sky suddenly became gloomy. He kept looking at clouds and became so absorbed that he didn’t even hear his father calling him to have breakfast. And his father didn’t call him any more, just watched his back silently for a while, and quietly closed the door for him.
The sky soon turned pitch black, so gloomy that it was breathless. A few gray-yellow sparrows flew across the sky, looking for eaves that could shelter from the rain. The whole world seems to be suddenly have a strong wind. The branches were blown to one side, and the weeds fell to the ground.
Vaguely, someone seemed to hear someone shouting ‘it’s raining, I went home to collect my clothes’ and so on, and then a lot of sounds of closing the windows. I also saw that several clothes were blown into the air and hung on the treetops.
The sunlight was completely invisible, and the whole world was plunged into darkness. Even the street lamps below seemed to sense that it was already dark, and automatically turned on, emitting a dim yellow light.
“Boom!”
A dazzling thunder suddenly fell, causing Mo Xueyao to instinctively shrink back, as if the thunder almost hit his forehead. As if it was a horn of attack, the raindrops as black as ink began to crackle down. It hit the eaves, the canopy, and the ground. The wind blew slantingly, blowing the majestic heavy rain onto Mo Xueyao’s face.
The late summer rain was unexpectedly cold. As if he didn’t notice it, he still stared blankly at the sky. Suddenly there was an urge to rush to the open space below and get wet. It’s like when the end of the world comes, people instinctively want to vent the last negative emotions, and then meet the ultimate death.
However, no matter what Mo Xueyao imagined in his heart, it was just a rain after all. Just a summer rainstorm. It came and went quickly. Comes suddenly, goes suddenly. There is no process of raindrops gradually receding and the rain gradually decreasing.
In just a moment, all the rain stopped suddenly, and the dark clouds in the sky seemed to be torn apart and smashed by a pair of big hands, allowing people to see the sun still hanging high in the sky behind.
Of course the sun never left, it was only temporarily blocked. At this time, the sky was blue without any clouds, as if it had been washed. A rainbow suddenly appeared, as if spanning from one side of the city to the other.
The rainbow of seven colors looks delicious…
“Gulugulu.” Mo Xueyao’s stomach also screamed in response.
“Uh… so hungry, Dad—isn’t it done yet?”
“I’m done eating!” Father’s voice came from the living room, “Didn’t you respond when I called you just now?”
“Eh–?”
“Come and eat when you’re hungry! There’s one left!”
“Coming!” Mo Xueyao jumped out of bed, opened the door and sat at the dining table in the living room, “Dad, today’s rainbow is very beautiful.”
“Is that so? Let me see.” Father, who had finished breakfast, walked slowly to the kitchen and looked out through the kitchen window.
When I saw the clear sky, I naturally saw that clean and beautiful rainbow.
“Oh, not bad!”
“Yeah, but it’s usually only after a heavy rain that there will be a rainbow.”
“Perhaps this is telling the world that life after suffering will become better.”
“Absurd.” Mo Xueyao rolled his eyes.
On this day, as if nothing had happened, he played the game for a day with the Xiaobawang learning machine.
There seems to be nothing wrong with learning to play games on a machine. Lunch, dinner, and then mother’s home. Then it was time to sleep at night.
Night, it always seems to make people fall into sorrow. Maybe it’s because it’s easy to get cranky in the middle of the night.
Even though the electric fan was blowing, it made Mo Xueyao feel unbearably hot, and tossed and turned on the bed, but couldn’t fall asleep.
Through the window, you can see the stars around the moon outside, flickering one by one, as if watching the world.
Knowing those things, after all, it is impossible to fall asleep as usual. Why would something like that happen to me? A boy who is two or three years away from adulthood, but one day learns that he is actually a girl. In this day and age, few people can accept it.
Mo Xueyao was so annoyed that he grabbed the pillow and covered his face, but suddenly felt that his cheeks seemed a little wet.
‘Are you reluctant to give up your male identity, or are you resisting, afraid of what?’
Mo Xueyao felt like a eunuch who learned that he was about to enter the palace – although the actual situation was much better than that.
He remembered the sudden torrential rain in the daytime today. If he was not at home at the time, but stood in the rain, he must have been soaked all over, right? Hmm…even though it’s an unrelated thing, I can’t help but think about it. And since I thought of the rain, I couldn’t help but think of the rainbow after the rain.
He didn’t know if his life would change and he would see a so-called rainbow. But his reason told him that continuing to escape was just delaying time. Some decisions must be made. If you have to do it, you have to do it. No matter how difficult it is, it must be done. And the so-called decision, in fact, is often only one correct option.
After coming back today, the parents didn’t talk about it. But their words and deeds showed that they were very concerned about it and wanted to say it. But they were afraid of hurting Mo Xueyao’s heart.
He rubbed his slightly sore and painful brain, rubbing his fingers hard. It hurts. But it relieved the pain from the brain and made his mind clearer. Fifty thousand yuan is a lot, but if you don’t do this, you will probably spend more money in the future, and maybe there will be major accidents.
It would be fine if he died all of a sudden, it was a relief. The most terrifying thing is that he is half-dead, and he can’t even choose to die. If you are barely conscious, it will be suffering for yourself and your family. If you don’t even have awareness, it will bring a burden to your family.
Compared to this, having an operation to become a girl seems like nothing.
Mo Xueyao felt a little more relaxed. He climbed out of bed at once, turned on the lamp that was not bright, and sat down at the desk. He pulled out a book from a drawer and tore a page from it. He wanted to take advantage of this time to make a decision, lest he would hesitate again and again. But he felt embarrassed and didn’t want to tell his parents in person.
So, he simply wrote a few lines on the paper—
“Mom and Dad, don’t think about my mood, just follow the best way to solve this matter.” Mo Xueyao stared at this sentence for a long time, and then crumpled the piece of paper into a ball and threw it away. into the table.
He tore the page again and wrote again.
This time, only seven words were written: “Just make your decision.”
“I’m still running away…” Mo Xueyao muttered with a wry smile, opened the door carefully, and walked into the quiet living room.
Parents should be asleep.
He carefully placed the note on the dining table in the living room, but did not press it with anything. If the wind blows, it might blow into a corner. Because his mood is also very complicated.
‘I hope my parents will see it, and I hope my parents won’t see it’, and finally he choose this way of resignation.
After doing all this, he ran back into the room like a thief and let out a long sigh of relief.
This night, for him, is a rare long…


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